Not different, better.

And it started about an hour and a half ago. Epiphanies should never be taken for granted. I am taking this one very seriously due to the shit I've been dealt, as well as the shit I've dealt to myself. It's really sad that I always have to hit rock bottom to make something happen. I am a doer and a maker. I pray that I remember that.

I am not weak. I have survived the death of my two parents, an abortion, heartbreak times 3, and a childhood being told that nothing will get any better unless I take these pills. I am not diseased, I am a product of my mother and father, but that does not mean I have to accept that as my destiny, or accept misery because that is what I've come to expect. I am challenging everything.

This is me. I love that about me. No one else is me. Thank the fucking stars for that too.

GREENer...

"The grass is always greener." "Searching for greener pastures." "Green with envy." What is so freaking special about this color? Who decided that green is better than anything else? Who decided that better is better? I would like to know if there is actually anything better than this, or if anything could just be different.

The moment I hear those phrases I am immediately struck with fear. And I believe they were created to instill this emotion upon people who have made it a habit to question life. All of us are constantly thinking about how much better life would be if we had more money, marriage, children, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a better body, that car, better friends, better parents, dream jobs, hotter mates, more creativity, fame, etc.... The constant disappointment over the things we don't have or what we have that could be better never really seems to pay off. Do we ever just look at the relationships and materials we have and appreciate their presence? No, something is always wrong with it, we don't accept it for what it brings into our lives, and we wish that something better would come along to replace it.

Most of us will wait around for things to get as shitty as possible until something better comes along. But here's the catch, the thing that replaces what we have never seems to be much better.

Know your limits, know your subjects, and know what you want from yourself before you demand it from another.

It's just another fucking over-indulgent blog, folks.

Here I am, in blog world. I figure I can use this forum to share some of my quirky, random thoughts. Hey, I'm not saying I have a whole lot to say on any really important matters, but, everyone else is doing it, so why shouldn't I? I have a journal, mainly for my own sanity and so I don't drive away those nearest and dearest to me. I can say whatever I want in my journal. Here, I can tell you all about the seriously weird things that roll through my brain, without the threat of sounding insensitive and completely (please note I said completely) nuts.

I already have a few ideas. The probabilty that I will forgot those ideas is pretty high, so I may on occasion make a list at the end of my posts. Hope thats okay? This is mainly for me, correct?

Well, happy reading dudes.

Possible Future Blogs:
vages
nature/nurture
daddy issues
metro life
eff the car, get out your mofoing bike already
soft, supple skin in jeopardy